I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
