And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
