Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
