So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize