am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
