you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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