I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
