Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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