What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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