he referred to my room as the tit cave...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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