This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
