Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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