yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
