No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
