thus making me awesome and them whores
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
