Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
