i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
