Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
