Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
