Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
