the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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