Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
