All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
