Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
