please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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