Where is the hickey?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
