thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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