once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
