last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
