she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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