tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize