chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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