I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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