Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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