You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
