There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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