Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
