Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
