then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
