Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize