And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
