the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
