How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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