it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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