when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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