im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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