Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
