It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
