If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
