so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
