i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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