I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
