I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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