i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
