yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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