my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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