this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
