I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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