"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
