This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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