I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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