my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
