forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
