The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
