I looked at my own cervix.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
