I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize