I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
this is an emotional support booty call
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
