What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
