I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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